Single life & Self-Development

I have been single for almost 7 months now.
I told myself that I wanted to be single for atleast 6 months, in order to "find myself".
To become strong and independent.
I'm also learning to enjoy life more (I used to be a hermit)- "hanging out" with people, maybe enjoying a glass of wine (after 7 years of no alcohol!).

I know that after heartbreak, it is so easy to be swept up by someone else. To find someone who can comfort you and fill in that hole... Someone to "complete" you.
I resisted. I fought the temptation. I felt the pain & loneliness, and I embraced it... I knew that by doing this, I would bring back the strong independent woman within me.

I believe that I have been successful! (I will probably talk about them in future blogs)
So much has happened to me in the past 7 months.
7 months ago, it felt like I was at the bottom. I could not see any future- it was all gone. Where would I go? Who would I be with? What will I be doing? Who am I?
Many of you have experienced this feeling too after ending a serious relationship. But trust me, things will get better.

Last night I was talking with a friend, let's call him Jr, about self-development.

First: Is recognizing my faults. A long time ago, when someone used to 'criticize' me, I was very defensive... But now, I find that I rarely am. Right now, I can't be hurt.
The reason is because I have searched inside myself. I've uncovered the ugly in me. I acknowledged it, tried to understand it, and strive to improve. I am well aware of my faults and my insecurities.

We also agreed that reading has helped a lot. Not the action of reading, but creating a relationship with the author by reading their story.

Then Jr said, "by losing a lot."
The more that we lose, the more that we learn.

There was a long long pause. That is because I stop and I think.
I appreciate that he allows silence, and gives me time to think.

I was thinking about the times I've learnt the most... And it is when I have lost.
A year ago when I lost my dad, that is when my whole life turned around.
That is when my last relationship started to fall apart.
Some people thought that I lost myself... (I did turn pretty hippie and spiritual, which was a complete 180)
But really, I think that is when I found myself.
It was a realization of what life is NOT about. (Its not all about the material goods and what we can accumulate). What life is about... I'm not exactly sure yet, and maybe I'll never know!


Jr told me that everyone has their own life path and time line.
It is not up to us to decide who learns what and when.

I have been paying very close attention to the people that enter my life, and the events that occur. I try to understand, what message do they have? What are they trying to teach me?

"I say the universe speaks to us, always, first in whispers. And a whisper in your life usually feels like 'hmm, that's odd.' Or, 'hmm, that doesn't make any sense.' Or, 'hmm, is that right?' It's that subtle. And if you don't pay attention to the whisper, it gets louder and louder and louder. I say it's like getting thumped upside the head. If you don't pay attention to that, it's like getting a brick upside your head. You don't pay attention to that—the brick wall falls down. That is the pattern that I see in my life and so many other people's lives. And so, I ask people, 'What are the whispers? What's whispering to you now?'" — Oprah

Sometimes I may not learn the lesson at the opportunity, but it will come back for me.
And sometimes, I find that I am someone's teacher.
Last night, I received a message saying, "...I learned so much about myself, life and relationships in the short time I knew you, you were my greatest teacher."

Receiving this type of comment is very fulfilling :)

Thank you for taking the time to read :)
Namaste

Ying Tan