THERE ARE TWO OF ME!
I have the real me.
And I have the fake me.
The real Ying:
I am a home body and very shy, timid, philosophical, emotional.
The fake Ying:
A sexy flirtatious bikini/fitness model.
The real Ying didn't have confidence when out in Public.
I couldn't make friends, or I couldn't get anyone to notice me: I didn't talk...
(Mostly because I am sensitive and any criticism would make me shrivel and want to hide.)
Back in the days, the only way to make friends was for me to hide behind a computer screen and chat with strangers.
I could be who ever I wanted, and say whatever I wanted without being judged.
I created an alter ego in order for me to become confident, and "become someone" since I didn't think I was "enough", or "interesting enough" to be your friend.
It is very interesting... As soon as I did my hair, put makeup on, false lashes, high heels, sexy clothing...
BAM! I was a completely different person.
I could talk and flirt with anyone.
In my first magazine appearance, I couldn't wait to show everyone.
"Look! Look! Guess who that?! That is me! That is YING".
I started to believe that the sexy half naked girl in the pictures was me.
But it's not me, I see it now.
One of the reason why I was so excited to show people, was to feed my Ego.
To get that attention.
I am constantly growing and looking within.
Looking at the "ugly" part of me. Looking at my flaws and insecurities.
As I've been doing this, I've started to become very distant with my alter ego... Or maybe just more aware.
I now look at those pictures, and... I just don't care as much. It's not me. It's not Ying.
I see her as someone else, a separate body from mine.
I am very honoured, and I do appreciate being in magazines...
But I am comfortable with who I truly am now. I don't need the compliments and attention any more.
Sometimes I am uncomfortable revealing my body to every one.
Sometimes I feel a guilt.
Being that unachievable body - (I was actually unhealthy when I got that lean and fit).
Being a part of the media telling girls how they should look. Being a part of today's problems of vanity, consumerism, eating disorders, sex and masturbation addictions.
I know that. And I struggle with that.
But I really hope, that some of you might notice my picture... Do some further research, and find out that that girl in the picture has a message.
She has something to share with you.
Read her blogs. See her struggles, see her insights, see her views on what life is.
Her experiences with life, death, ego, material vs spiritual, consumerism, the planet, etc.
And its working.
I get emails from people who admit their guilt of viewing me as a sexy object.
But once they start reading about me, they start relating to me, and understanding me. They open up and they allow themselves to be vulnerable. They admit their own problems and struggles.
Once we look at our flaws and securities, our problems and struggles- We can work on them. Strive to improve and become a better person :D
