Thursday, 8 August 2013

My cancelled wedding

For those of you who don't know me personally, you are probably wondering what happened to me! It has been a long time since I wrote my last blog.

I was supposed to get married May 11, 2013, but it was cancelled two weeks before.

It is not very often that you hear of cancelled weddings!


When we found out that my dad was going to pass soon, we felt rushed to get married so that he could see our wedding. I scheduled it as soon as I could (6 months from the proposal).
After my dad and grandma passed, things got very rough for me. I was more confused than ever about life. Behind my smiles, laughter, and positivity, there was a lot of sadness that I was hiding.

With those events, it really took a toll on our relationship. Then someone was also trying to interfere with our relationship through online means (thedirty.com).

I started to expect my Hunny to make me happy. I wanted him to spend more time with me, and I started getting angry that he couldn't. I was becoming a totally different person from when he met me.

So many things were happening since the day we decided to get married- So many signs.
I was even getting sick once or twice a month- I rarely get sick!

Something inside me told me that I shouldn't get married. I was so scared, and I really just wanted someone to tell me that its a natural feeling, or that I should pay attention to that feeling.
Everything was paid for, everyone booked their hotel, and the Wedding party had all their stuff. Everything was set. There was no way I could tell my Hunny that I wasn't ready!

On the day of my Bridal shower, I was very very sad. All the girls came to support me and my wedding. And I knew that I wasn't ready. I felt more pressured than ever. Things were getting real.

That night, my Hunny knew something was wrong. He could sense it.
Of course, being a girl, I said, "Nothings wrong".
But he persisted.
I told him, "I am not ready to get married, but I feel like I have to."
All he said was, "I will love you forever".

The next day he told me that the wedding was cancelled.

It was a rough month, we kept pointing the finger at each other- blaming one another for the problems.
Lots of anger, frustration, and sadness.

We didn't know where to go from there, so I took a trip out to Halifax to visit my sister.
When I got back, I had to move out. It was time to move on.

It was a very scary feeling- Not knowing what my future holds! Before, I knew what was going to happen: I knew I was going to get married, start a family, and live happily ever after.
Now... there wasn't even a vision of any future in my mind. I thought I was doomed!

I went from going to living in a big beautiful house... To a little basement room (that leaks when it rains). And sharing 1 bathroom and 1 kitchen with 4 other people! But I was pretty happy! It was exciting to start life all over!
I got my living situation settled, next: work.
I was way too emotional and I was such a disaster to manage my business (nutrition consulting). I just gave up. I couldn't talk to my clients without breaking down or venting.
I wanted to get as many jobs as possible to keep me busy and to prevent me from thinking.

I met Graham, owner of Alliance Martial Arts gym. He said I could do the nutrition and personal training for his gym. They were in the middle of moving locations. So from the end of May till now, I have been at the new gym helping.
I was so happy to be able to help. It felt like an art piece, making an empty building into a masterpiece.
It also kept my mind busy, and something to strive for everyday.

Then I was also hired at a new Pub called "Bell N' Whistle". I thought it would be great for me to work there during the lunch times, then spend the rest of the time at the gym. I really enjoy it!

I went back to working at my weekend job- A country bar. It is actually so much fun! I get paid to hang out with such fun people!

Things are going great for me, lots of opportunities have been opening up (Modelling, work, new friends). I feel strong again.
I do still feel sadness: I feel like I've lost my best friend. But if you love someone, you let them go!
I feel very lonely, but I promised myself to stay single and not be with anyone for 6 months until I get my independence and strength up. At such a weak point, it is so easy to fall for someone. Mostly for the comfort.

I feel that life puts us in many situations to teach us something or to help us grow. And if we don't learn from it the first time, we will the next time.


Thank you for reading.
Do what is best for you- be Courageous!

Ying Tan



2 comments:

  1. Wow, thanks for sharing something so very personal. All the best to you.

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  2. When life throws bumps in the road, we just need to learn to jump higher to get over them.

    ReplyDelete