It cannot rest.
I have never been so lost in my life.
The more I learn the more I realize how much I don't know.
Imagine.
You walk into my ice cream shop.
I ask you,
"Chocolate or Vanilla?"
Easy choice for you.
Now...
You walk into my ice cream shop.
I ask you,
"I have Nine hundred types of amazing ice creams,
Please choose one."
How do you choose?!
They all look so good, and it is so hard to settle for one choice.
When you pick one, you might be unsatisfied, always wondering if you picked the right one, or if you should have picked one of the other ones.
It seems like we are never satisfied.
Probably because we know that there may be something bigger and better for us.
We won't be happy until we have "the best", and we may always be searching... Changing jobs, friends, opportunities, and partners in search for the best.
We have so many options available to us.
I have never been so lost in my life.
And I feel so rushed to decide what I want, and decide who I want to be.
Should I stay in this city, or should I move?
Should I go back to school? And if I do, what should I take?
I think my generation is pressured to make a decision as soon as they can.
We are rushed to become someone... or else be no one.
And if we are a "nobody", we aren't worthy.
.
Self-worth has been a recurring topic in my head.
I think my whole life I have been trying to become worthy of love.
And I always thought, if I didn't achieve this or that, if I wasn't this person, would anybody love me?
Would anybody care for me? Why would anybody talk to me.
Lately, I've been telling myself that I am enough.
I am worthy of love.
And you are too. <3
(I'm not done this blog post, I don't even know what I am trying to say, but it sure feels good to organize my thoughts and share it)
Thank you to those who are helping me by providing your thoughts, advice, and experience.
as your last 3 sentences ended in question marks i will guess you would like answers. what should you take ? take a breath a deep breath, let it out, repeat until it is an easy thing to do. You should make a decision start with an easier one and act on it, if it turns out to have been the wrong decision act on it differently or make a new decision and act on that one. inaction is the worst decision in nearly all cases. However doing nothing is a decision so if you decide to do nothing, do it. people come to you for advice on how to live eat and other things because they trust you, now it is time for you to trust you.
ReplyDeleteyou are a smart young woman embrace it and move forward. peace be with you .
Thank you for reading this!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't expecting anyone to read this yet since I didn't "share" it on any of my social media.
When I sat down to write it, I thought it would be a good post, but I was actually just organizing my thoughts and trying to figure out why I've been so confused.
I told my friend these thoughts, and he said, "Basically... What the f*ck do I do with my life".
That is how I feel.
I think that I will start with travel.
I hear so many people saying they will travel when....
But "when" never comes, they get "tied down". Job, family, etc.
Right now, I am free to explore.
It is my family, and some friends, rushing me to be something.
Travel, explore, adventure,
Then I am sure I will have time to sit down and decide :)
Travel is good! But where do you want to go? Me, I want to go to Japan and an old friend of mine in Beijing, China now! So for me, Asia and South America! I'd like to go to Brazil and Columbia, too!
ReplyDeleteOH! Ying! I just love you and your honesty! Don't be sad or afraid! I just want to give you a big hug!
Hopefully I will someday! Doing more university might be good. What are you interested in?
I live where you said your sister lives and Dal and SMU bring lots of bright people to town.
Good programs, too. Something to look into. Does being of Asian background interest you?
Do you speak any Chinese? China and Japan and Korea are where the future is at in the world these days. Being part of that culture is an advantage, I say! You are WONDERFUL person!
I love you and many people do, Ying Tan! You are an inspiration to many people! Cheers!
I think everyone has feelings like this once in a while. You appear to over analyze things
ReplyDeleteYes there are any options available to us. With Friends, jobs ,school ,partners, hobbies.
Just because you are choosing one thing over another doesnt mean you are settling. Maybe it is just the right thing for you at the time.
Everything you listed is what we make of it.
We all have a finite amount of time on this world, so it is easy to feel rushed. Yet, all we really have is time, and this exact moment is all we really have. All we can do is relax, be mindful if the moment so we don't become overwhelmed with options.
.
You need to find your passion. Maybe what (or whom) you love. Then the answers will fall into place.
Self worth is a recurring topic of this blog, and your life. t is clear there's many things holding you back from loving yourself. It has been a long theme of this blog, and to be honest, It doesn't appear to be getting better.
I hope one day you will truly truly believe you are a beautiful soul, because you really are. You are very special woman. I know for a fact someone will love you for who you are, not what you've done or anything superficial.
You ARE worthy of love. Someone will tell you this until you believe it yourself one day
Maybe put on a pair of elephant shoes. That always cheers me up :)